Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Answering Your Questions: Straight Talk for Concerned Readers

The MSM news filter and a certain basic impatience with reading things are working together to prevent Citizens from getting the truth about Obamacare, which means that we could be walking blindly into a socialist un-utopia in which "non-essential" elderlies are euthenized in the name of "efficiency" and it becomes a crime to even ask your doctor whether a medication you maybe need because you urinate often is right for you. This is why I started this project. It's why I'm at home reading this health care plan instead of at a Town Hall Meeting asking my congressional representative if he or she has read the Koran.

Is it true that minor surgeries (tonsillectomies, broken bones, etc) will be subcontracted out to Obama crony groups like "ACORN" in repayment for their assistance in the 2008 election? Will there really be compulsory biannual home visits from agents of the Federal Dentistry Agency, with severe penalties for "insufficient" use of such fluoride rinses as ACT Brand Fluoride Rinse? My point is that we just don't know. This is why we seek answers in emails our Uncle Doug got from his hunting buddies (for instance) or via Yahoo Answers. The important thing, though, is that we keep asking questions, because "the truth is out there!" -- X-Files.

Here are some real questions from readers, which I've answered to the best of my abilities.

QUESTION: I heard that part of Obama's health care plan is to resurrect Vince Foster so that Hillary Clinton can murder him again. IS THIS TRUE?!!?!1 -- Jon B., Louisville, KY

ANSWER: I have heard about the bringing-the-dead-back-to-life provisions in the Obamacare Plan, too. But I haven't gotten to them yet in my reading -- I'm trying to go in order! However, it is well-known that there were zombie-related clauses in the initial Hillarycare plan from the 1990s. As I understand it, the rule will be that zombies, despite not paying any state or federal taxes and in many cases not even being registered to vote, will be allowed to have FULL HEALTH CARE BENEFITS. I'll let you know when I get to that part!

QUESTION: [Will the government be issuing] Mandatory Putin calendars to win over housewives in the Russiafication of our country? -- LeAnne L.B., Seattle, WA

ANSWER: Classic Obama, here. Yes, these calendars will be issued. No, hanging them up in your home will not be mandatory. Supposedly.

QUESTION: Will they take my cats? I like them a lot, and they're very cute. -- Kate G., New York, NY

ANSWER: If they are deemed "allergenic," then yes, Federal Agents will take your cats.

Feel free to send more questions here. I'll answer as best as I can.

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