Sunday, August 23, 2009

You Be The Judge!

And don't be afraid to be an activist judge, either. This one's just for fun. Here are two videos on The Big Subject. One by President "Obama" and the other from Republican Rep. Tom Price of Georgia. I originally was going to say that you should cover your eyes and just listen and see which one seems more presidential to you, but even with my obvious biases -- for Freedom, against Nationalized Socialist JokerCare -- it's pretty easy to tell. Even if you're not watching, one guy sounds like President Obama and the other guy sounds like The Teacher from South Park. I tried it in the dark, with a blindfold on, same thing. Also maybe as a reaction to what turned out to be (thankfully a pretty mild) acetaminophen overdose, my vision keeps kind of like blinking in and out, so I was able to see how that worked. (You can still tell who's who)

I also tried listening to them at the same time, but that just sounded weird -- it was like Obama and The Teacher from South Park were arguing on the bus or something -- and my Internet kept crashing. So my advice is to watch one video and then watch the other video. And then you can be The Judge!

Here is the first one. It's "President" Obama talking about "misinformation" about his health "care" plan:

And here's the Congressman from Georgia shooting down all of Obama's "you can keep your health care" and "there are no such thing as death panels what is the MATTER with you people" stuff.

So, you be the judge! Here is how I am the judge:

I am trying to be clear about my biases, always -- for Freedom and Truth and Getting To Keep Your Doctor and Not Having Illegals Do My Dental Work and Chanting In Elected Representatives Faces and Not Incentivizing Elder Deaths In The Name Of Government Profit. And I guess you know by now where I stand on all those things! I am strongly for all of them! (Note: on some of those I wrote that I am "not" for something, and what you should take that to mean is that I am strongly for not doing that thing, not strongly for doing the thing that I name) (Elder Death is an issue near and dear to me, since I have known many elderlies who, for one reason or another, later went on to die) What a complicated paragraph! Anyway:

I hope I won't get killed by the readers for this -- because then I'd have to be buried in a government-run potter's field for people on the enemies list that will take up the entire state of New Oklahoma (it's all on page 46 of ObamaCare!) -- but I think the President has a nice voice. I just wish he was using it for announcing things on the radio instead of telling Not-Truths and LIES about his own program! Has he even read the bill, I wondered to myself while listening to him speak. He says there are no death panels -- well, pages 51-57 is basically one long description of how the actual Death Panel Chamber is to be set up (rectangular room, rectangular table, preferably central air), what is to be served at Death Panel meetings (light snacks, Pepsi One, "crudites"), and the criterions used in Death Panel decisions (age of applicant, state of residence, any allergies, hair color)! And he says that you'll be able to keep your doctor and health insurance plan, which first of all is only partially true -- check page 66 if you want to learn about "Doctor Change Februaries" and "Mandatory Immigrant Nurse Checkup Tuesdays" which are exactly what they sound like.

But really we should go to Dr. Price about this -- it turns out he's not just a doctor of telling The Truth, he's also a doctor of orthopaedia! And he effortlessly shoots down "President" "Obama's" "Arguments." Obama says you'll keep your health care plan -- Price says maybe that's not true, if your plan doesn't meet Government Standards in five years. (Boom!) Obama says you and your doctor will make health care decisions -- Price says no, because government. (Sock!) And he says millions of Americans will be shuffled off their current plans -- possibly at bayonet-point -- and onto the government plan! And then he nails it when he points out that the Government -- which says it likes Insurance, actually wants to get rid of insurance: "The president (sic) says he thinks the government should compete with your current health plan. But we all know that when the government is setting the rules and it's backed by tax doctors, it will destroy, not compete with the private sector." I got that far in the video before tearing up, which I'm kind of proud of. Here's why I got so emotional:

Well, two reasons. The first is that my tear ducts are just kind of doing whatever since I got my stomach pumped and that apparently my nervous system kind of has a mind of its own since it's basically still swimming in Tylenol PM. The other one is that I have seen such an amazing outpouring of love from our Private Citizens and Citizen-Patriots for the Private Sector that it's just amazing to me -- we are the Private Sector, after all, and the more Government attempts to get in there and make all that Private stuff Public, the more we need to stand up and fight! Or not "fight," that sort of talk could get me in trouble (and per page 70, might even land me in a Re-Education Camp in the newly formed "state" of East Dakota). But surely yell, at the very least, and use Adobe PhotoShop. And with that in mind, and knowing that a picture is worth a 1,000 words (or, per ObamaCare, page 65, an inflation-adjusted pro-rated number of words that, once immigrant and welfare words have been disbursed, will likely be more like maybe 940), I leave you with this:

Kind of says it all, doesn't it! Now stop forwarding it to me, everyone! (Just kidding thanks for all your emails and prayers. Most of the WebMD commenters I've talked to think that at least three of my five senses will return to normal once I finish purging the acetaminophen) (which reminds me: time for another charcoal shake!)

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